A reader asks:

How can I get my kids get ready on time in the morning?

What takes my sons aged 5 and 9 so long? I wake them up at 7 and they’re barely making the bus at 8:15. Even with me hollering at them every ten minutes. How can I speed them up? Thanks for your help. Elena.

Dear Elena,

This is the classic complaint of all parents having kids with ADHD. The lost in space, sitting and thinking, contemplating their navel, and NOT getting ready.

The real solution is more than we can go into here. Because you need to learn how to provide structure for your children. And run your day as a smooth series of routines. I have a tool that teaches that. (And the results are astounding.)

Here’s a coping method you can try until you can get the tool. (It isn’t ready yet.)

The night before, tell them at what time they must be at the kitchen table for breakfast, dressed and ready for school, with backpack prepared and by the front door. For an 8:00 departure, I would say to the kitchen by 7:30.

Then for every minute they are late to table, they must go to bed one minute earlier and get up one minute earlier. That’s logical.

The 5 year old gets three warnings, the 9 year old gets only one. This is a one-time warning: at five minutes before 7:30 am, say, “this is your five-minute warning.” The three warnings are at 15 minutes til, 10 minutes til, and 5 minutes till.

Each child must have a watch and also a clock in their bedrooms and bathrooms, and you need a large wall clock in the kitchen.

For every minute they are late, say “That’s one minute, so one minute early to bed and early to rise.” Keep accurate records and hold them to it.

They both must wake up at 6:30. They each set alarms in their rooms. If they want to take a shower, showers must be completed by 7 or it’s water off.

The 5 yo should be going to bed at 8pm sharp. That means getting ready for bed at 7:30. The 9 yo should be going to bed at 8:30 – 9 at the very latest.

You will love me for this.

It depends. Most kids will want to know how to do it by age 5. Children that show no interest in learning or have a lot of trouble learning it often have dyslexia or ADHD or both.

My son has ADHD and I thought he would never learn. Finally I wrote a little song that went with the actions and we practiced together, me on my shoe and he on his, step by step. As he got each step right, I gave him a few cashews as reward. After about three concentrated attempts with this method, he got it.

The secrets are these:
*He must practice on his own shoes while they are on.
*You sit beside him, not facing him.
*You make it a game with a fun little song that describes the actions in a playful way.
*You give him one-on-one attention.
*And you reward each step with verbal praise and a treat.
*And you stop before he gets frustrated.

*Be prepared to teach him 21 times, so you will be patient.

*And tell others of his huge success (with him present). Social recognition is important.

Good luck.